#of being crippled with executive dysfunction

[east--coast--ghost]

hate the woobification of adhd online. im not making any points here that anyone hasn’t made before but good god i am tired of grammarly ads im tired of adhd tiktok “””community””” im tired of better help i don’t want to spend money to have my quirkyness sticker im not cute and golden retriever doggo pupper energy i have a fucking unmedicated learning disability

[somecunttookmyurl]

quite often i walk with a stick because i'm either in too much pain or my knees are too unstable to do otherwise. i am literally unable to perform the task of walking in the usual manner.

if you try and convince me it's a that's a good thing i'll take out YOUR knees with it

[manasurge]

.

[guarshroom]

Y'all ever just be an inch from having a complete mental breakdown at work?

[melisusthewee]

WIP Weekend...???

I've been tagged in a few of these but haven't shared much recently because oh boy, have I been trying to juggle a bunch of things going on. I need a day planner - or someone more organized than me keep on top of a day planner for me.

Anyways, here's a splash of all the things I've got cooking across fandoms (except my Terror Reverse Bang stuff which is a surprise!).

After talking to some friends and artists, it turns out it's a pretty even split between those who paint over the background in screenshot redraws and those who just filter/leave it in. As someone who hates painting backgrounds, I thought to splice in a background similar to what I did when I made the fake DA Absolution screenshot. But I hate it. Which means I'm going to have to do my own background. And that's why all I've gotten done are flat test colours since the last time I showed this.

Overdue commission work. It's not much, but overcoming executive dysfunction and crippling guilt over it being overdue to start working on it was a huge accomplishment for me. Also hi, look forward to another flower cameo portrait soon! (I always love these once I get going on them.)

Watch my follower count just disappear and people come at me with pitchforks now that I publicly announce I'm drawing rugby boys. It started as an exercise because I have spent the past several years drawing the same character (QUINN) over and over and over again and it's made me feel like I've gotten stuck? I know I joke that "I can draw all of one dude" but I've recently felt like it's become a legitimate problem. And then it got out of hand. Anyone want Marcelo stickers? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

How about "ASK ME ABOUT EUROPE" ones?

Tagging people that I've seen working on things or experimenting with stuff/exercises because even though I know I haven't been present much, I still see the things you're working on and am silently cheering you on: @greypetrel @ndostairlyrium @daggerbeanart @theluckywizard @delicatefade @nirikeehan @dreadfutures @kiastirling @idolsgf @zoannearts

[beauspot]

Beau is Afraid is the movie I have been waiting for

!Spoilers Ahead! *LONG POST*

TW: Child Abuse, Gaslighting, Narcissistic Abuse, Strangulation, Discussions of Severe Anxiety

Like many people I knew Ari Aster as the guy who made Hereditary and Midsommar. Weird and trauma focused horror and that is definitely what Beau is Afraid is classified as, but it is nothing like his previous films.

To summarize, Beau is afraid starts off with Beau meeting his therapist (well it literally starts with Beau being born but i digress) and here we learn that Beau has a severe and crippling anxiety disorder. From the moment Beau starts talking about his mother I knew exactly what this movie was going to be about(though i don’t think anyone could guess the plot). We see that he is planning to visit his mother the next day because it’s the anniversary of his fathers death. Due to unforeseen circumstances Beau oversleeps and as he is rushing his keys get stolen out of his door along with his suitcase. Beau calls to tell his mom just wanting to tell her what’s happened and as she began to speak I got immediately triggered. You can see him sink into a shell of himself as she tries to make him feel guilty for thinking he should stay at home since someone has access to his apartment. She hangs up on him and Beau begins to lose it a little bit.

A lot of things domino fall and this leads to Beau getting locked out of his apartment (this also leads to the first time we see Beau experience something i’ve never seen so perfectly portrayed in a film. executive dysfunction. and it happens multiple times, he simply freezes in place even though he knows he should move. Part of it is definitely his anxiety as he is afraid to move because thats a decision and he doesn’t want the responsibility of what comes after a decision)and learning that his mother was killed by a falling chandelier. Then we see him get hit by a car. He ends up in the care of a family and long story short he has to run from them and ends up in the woods with a theatre troupe.

This is important because we learn that Beau’s biggest dream is to simply have a job and home of his own with a family that loves him. That’s his perfect future, but even as he’s seeing it playing out his kind can’t help but conjure up the worst case scenarios. We also see it repeated here that Beau can’t have kids because he can’t have sex because of a genetic heart murmur that killed his father. After Beau is separated from the theatre troupe he makes his way to his mothers house(though he should have been healing after being hit by a car and being stabbed his ONLY CONCERN was his mother not being humiliated by not being buried). When he sees her body he isn’t at peace yet but he lays down and gets his first night of good rest in days. When he wakes up he is greeted with his old friend Elaine who asked him to wait for her and he did. Long story short, Beau and her have sex. He is under the direct impression he is going to die when this happens.

But he doesn’t. However, Elaine does. He is rightfully terrified and cowers in fear until the music Elaine was playing suddenly shuts off and he looks up to find none other than his mother staring back at him. She faked her death to get him home and then tries to turn this on Beau saying he couldn’t wait for her to die, when Beau admits he knew she was alive because of the birthmark on the hands on the body. But she’s not done. Out of the shadows steps Beau’s therapist as his mother begins playing a recording of one of his sessions where Beau admits reluctantly that he felt his mothers love was conditional. Since he feels like he has nothing to lose he chooses to finally confront his mother about the dream he has where he sees an identical version of himself ask about his father because Beau isn’t brave enough and he asks where his father is.

His mother takes him to the attic from the dream and tells him to go up there telling him it wasn’t a dream, it was a memory. There Beau meets his twin brother and his father(it’s a lot more batshit than this but that’s the gist of it). He begs to go back down and his mother finally lets him and he LITERALLY KISSES HER LEGS telling her he’s sorry. But she’s still not done. She goes on a whole tirade about how her mother blamed her for her mothers mistakes completely missing how she’s doing the same to Beau. She continues to berate him until she finally says what she means. She hates Beau. And at that point Beau puts his hands around her throat, strangling her. He eventually comes to his senses and lets her go, shocked at his own actions, but the damage has been done, she collapses and dies.

Beau leaves the house the look of shock frozen on his face and he reaches a motorboat on his mothers private little beach. He starts the motor and begins to drive the boat towards a cavern. For the first time the whole movie Beau seems like he might no longer be afraid. Until the motor mysteriously sputters and here’s where shit gets VERY REAL. SERIOUSLY IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE MOVIE GO WATCH IT BEFORE CONTINUING.

Beau is sitting in darkness for a few seconds and suddenly this cavern is flooded with light and he sees no, it’s not actually a cavern at all. It’s a stadium filled with people. They are all watching him. Through his (and the audiences) confusion a voice booms from a microphone. When Beau finds the source he is shocked to see that it is coming from a man on a mini stage high in the stadium sitting next to his mother. From a giant 4 sided jumbotron video plays of moments from Beau’s life dating back to when he was NINE. YEARS. OLD. All of of which is taken out of context. Beau’s only “defense” is a shitty lawyer who has yell because he wasn’t given a microphone and even when he is heard and things his lawyer says are reasonable his mothers lawyer simply writes it off and moves onto the next thing he’s “done wrong”. (To me this represents all of the times Beau tried to reason with his mother and make her see his side before he just had to succumb to her will for survival, because you can’t reason with a narcissist.) When his defense is literally thrown from his stage and dies on a steep rock Beau is left to defend himself. Through his anxiety and fear he still tries to make them see his side, but Beau is found to be guilty. He never really loved his mother, he was a manipulative child who took from her and never gave anything back.

As this is all coming to a close the motor on the boat begins to flame and the boat begins to sink. Beau is begging, pleading, screaming, for his mother as she watches him in distress. As the entire arena of people watches him struggling and does nothing. We can see the exact moment Beau succumbs to his fate, he says nothing and for the first time in the whole film his shoulders droop. All of his anxiety is gone. He knows his mother won’t help him, that no one will. And the look that crosses his face is one I understood so deeply. One of anger that he dedicated his life to this woman, one of realization that he couldn’t trust anyone, one of sadness that he was truly alone. And I relate to that so deeply.

I remember people talking about the relationship between Joy and Evelyn in Everything Everywhere All at Once and while I definitely relate to their story somewhat there was something missing and I didn’t know what it was until I saw Beau is Afraid.

On the one hand there’s the constant twisting of Beau’s actions that is particularly triggering to me. Him living in one of his mothers apartment buildings and using a card with her money is turned on him when for one thing the apartment is shitty and he is constantly in fear for his life. Number 2 the card was given to him by her to use, because Beau is literally agoraphobic because of HER ACTIONS. He can’t hold down a job even if he wanted to. His whole life is his therapist and his home. I find it so strange that mothers like this will stifle any interest their child has that falls outside of what they want for them and literally block them from opportunities to advance, but then get upset when their kids aren’t able to function on their own as adults.

But that’s not the main thing that stuck out to me and made me realize I had been carrying this massive weight with me I couldn’t explain.

This ever present fear I felt living with my mother that just never left. This feeling that she was always watching me even when I wasn’t with her and that I couldn’t trust anyone because they would turn them against me eventually. That I couldn’t say bad things about her because the words would find their way back to her. When I was actively going to therapy I would triple check my phone to make sure I didn’t accidentally dial her and she could every word I was saying. That’s how terrifying it feels and I’ve never seen that captured on screen. Tears were streaming down my face as I watched Beau’s cries be ignored and as people just let him die. In the silence of the theater I simply stared at the place Beau had been and thought “you have to leave, you have to get out.”

!End of Spoilers!

It’s a great movie and I think you should definitely go see it if you have 3 hours to spare. I’ve personally seen it twice and I relate so much to Beau it’s kinda scary. Sorry for this long post I wonder what anyone who saw it thinks though, i’d like to hear new perspectives. Now time to watch Queen Charlotte for something lighter 😭

[saderplate7]

i'm collecting so many badges this summer. "being overwhelmed with stress." "panicking about the future." "having an existential crisis over who you thought you were." "crippling executive dysfunction." "making your mother cry." how many more points do i need before i get to "it's all your fault"

[didderd]

adhd sans is such a relatable character, seeing as i have my own issues. i seriously struggle with stuff similar to his problems so it feels comforting knowing there's a skeleton just like me and a lot of other people

yes omg

i love Duck sm. projecting heavily onto this boi, especially with the comic.

fkn. sorry, i hope you don't mind me using your ask as an excuse to ramble abt my neurodivergent ass. you don't have to read this.

ramblings bordering on venting, but mostly jus cus i wanna talk abt my disorders more, but not in a venty way, but hhhh.. under read more:

ADHD is such a struggle, especially the executive dysfunctioning. ppl would assume that the Tourette's is the more crippling of the disorders i have, jus bc it's more physical and more like. known for being disabling(?) but at least in my case it's nothing compared to my ADHD symptoms.

the most my Tourette's does usually is bruise my wrist or make me have to stop what i'm doing (like literally just now stopping writing to snap my fingers and clap several times lmao hkgvhc) for a moment to tic.

but my executive dysfunction stops me from doing just about anything. chores, basic hygiene, important life shit, even eating and hydrating.

and my dissociating does the same thing as my tics, making me stop what i'm doing sometimes. or it'll make me have to like.. slow down and not able to look at what i'm doing while my vision is unfocused and i stare off into space or at whatever's directly in front of me lol.

the sensory problems also. sometimes i can't walk around in certain cloths bc the texture is too much. it feels like sand paper. (there's more i could say abt the sensory problems, but i need to stop rambling skdbvjsdvk)

anyways, yeah. so fkn grateful for adhd sans, bc now i have a character to pour all these problems into lmao.

[xenon-demon]

hiya!!! just wanted to say i LOVED your kas!steve post so much it makes me squeal with delight no joke

any chance you can drop some details about steve's new appearance/abilities 👀 because i would love to hear more!!! (⁠ﾉ⁠◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧

Hi thank you SO much!!! <3 I have so many THOUGHTS about Kas!Steve constantly and am always keen to talk about it! (if I defeat my crippling executive dysfunction issues long enough to post more I can tag you in it if you'd like 👀👀)

Kas!Steve's whole deal is that Vecna revived him to act as his "ultimate weapon", particularly against the bunch of meddling kids who already interfered with his plans once. He's not worried about the government or any of the scientists ruining his plans, he's worried about Eleven and her allies. He knows damn well the Party & co are going to have a much harder time defeating one of their own, or at least something that looks like one of their own, than an assortment of inhuman beasts. Plus, having a second in command who is intelligent is an asset to Vecna (and Steve, while not academically gifted, is really good at tactics/strategical thinking).

This got wayyyyy longer than I thought it would so I'm chucking this under a readmore, I have "can't shut the fuck up" disease and it's terminal.

BASICALLY I wanted Kas!Steve to be at least a little different from the classic fandom depictions of Kas!Eddie, just for flavour - so to start with Steve absolutely Does Not have wings. Regarding his appearance, the main stuff is:

prehensile, multiple tails like the demobats do - Steve has 5 tails, with one (the central one) being slightly longer and thicker than the rest while the rest sort of loosely weave together around it at rest. They can be controlled independently, but it's quite difficult to do so and Steve is absolutely not at that point yet. It's like - if he went "I want to grab that object with my tails" they would all wrap around it to grab it securely like a human hand would, but it would take a looooooot of practice and experience with this new form to go "I want to hold a different object in each tail at the same time" (and even then it'd be tricky as fuck/take a lot of concentration).

FANGS. So all of Steve's teeth are now sharper and pointed, like the democreatures tend to have, but in addition to that boy's got MAD fangs. His top canines actually jut out from under his top lip and visibly dig into his bottom one, Steve has to relearn how to hold his face when his mouth is shut to hide them. His bottom canines are also larger and pointier than the rest of his teeth, but less egregiously than his top ones. Plus he has claws too, where his finger/toenails have essentially expanded and hardened so instead of just being a "cap" on top of the digit, his fingers and toes blend from skin to keratin and end in a hardened, sharp point. It is actually possibly to file/trim them without hurting him though, with appropriate tools (since they're harder than human nails).

Steve's eyes have vertical pupils now (like cats), since he's got what essentially amounts to DnD darkvision. They also glow gold when Steve's craving blood. Or craving... other things. (I'm talking about being horny his eyes glow gold when he's horny. In Steve's defense, bloodlust and regular lust are kinda intertwined when you're a vampire.)

His skin is also just that bit tougher than it used to be, Steve no longer gets scrapes or cuts as easily.

He does still eat food in addition to blood, he's just carnivorous now - lots of meat (can be cooked but tbh raw is better) and animals products like eggs and dairy. He doesn't digest plant products properly anymore and will throw up if he eats too much of it. As for human blood... he doesn't NEED it to survive, but he craves it, and it gives him a boost to his abilities when he's drank some recently (in that what I've described is him at Full Power™, and if it's been a while since he's had blood it's progressively harder and harder to do those same things). He also just Looks Sick if it's been a whie since he's drank blood. Also when he's out of the Upside Down (especially if, say, he was no longer connected to the hivemind) if he doesn't drink human blood on a regular basis he WILL go feral and revert to a much more animalistic state of mind.

Now the fun stuff, aka his powers:

Superhuman strength, pretty much no one would be able to beat him in a one-on-one, hand-to-hand fight. Bring a weapon, ideally a gun. He also has better stamina than a regular human would and tires much less easily.

Heightened senses - he can see in the dark better than humans ever could and his sense of smell is heightened (particularly smelling blood, human blood in particular). His hearing is actually not that much better than a normal human's, but very high pitched or "artificial" sounding noises grate on him in a way they never used to (e.g. Curse The Fucking Fluorescent Lightbulb Buzz).

He's connected to the hivemind like all UD creatures are, but unfortunately that means he's connected to Vecna. Vecna has a very strong connection to him, given that it was through Vecna's powers that he was revived, and he can plunge Steve into a hallucination whenever he pleases just like with the curse victims. This is how he communicates Steve over long distances.

Steve also has vampiric thrall/mind control abilities, but he can only really pull it off when he's freshly loaded up on blood. It also works best for simple instructions - he could exert simple, one-word-command type control over almost anyone, but complicated multi-step instructions or more abstract things (e.g. being encouraged to forget about something or instructed to not answer certain questions going forwards, indefinitely) would only really work on someone Steve has an extended, close relationship with. It works through eye contact - the gold eye glow also happens when Steve's using these abilities. But shhhhhh I'm sure Eddie's going to be totally fine, everything is chill he'll be fiiiiine ;)

God this is WAY LONGER THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE I'M SO SORRY. I hope you enjoy the lore drop!! <3 Let me know if there's anything else you want to know about because I could talk about this AU all day, I'm obsessed with it

[fembutchboygirl]

I got tagged in a writing game!!!!

Make a 24 hour poll w your WIPs, then write one sentence for each vote the winner gets. Tagged by @aramanna <33

Tagging: @fox-mulder-gets-pegged @theintelligentfool <33

[fawnanddusk]

A lot of my friends these days are hopping onto the bandwagon of wanting to make it illegal to own more than one house.

This is due to the housing market at large taking advantage of a lack of homes to jack up rent and housing costs in general, and I understand the desire and logic behind wanting more houses to be available to buyers and renters because of it. It makes no sense for so many houses to be left standing and gathering moss and mold and dust and sunken roofs and broken foundations because someone occasionally wants to rent it out as an Airbnb. It makes no sense for these places to be unavailable as homes because the owner who lives on the other side of the continent finds it more convenient to occasionally turn a profit than to be responsible for the upkeep of their renters' home.

But.

Then I think about my friend with a gift for hospitality who wants to run a little bed and breakfast and cook all the meals and be the best host, who would actually be great at it.

I think about my years-long dream to build affordable housing that's close to nature and agriculture and restrict the rentals to working guests, college students, and elderly tenants who don't need or want to buy a whole house in their current situation, but would benefit from living and breathing in a small-town environment.

I think about co-op living spaces and homeowners with boarders, either renting a room or living in an attached unit. I think about people with executive dysfunction, crippling phobias, physical disabilities, or anything else that would make it more convenient and more pleasant to rent from a handyman or managerially gifted homeowner than to buy and have to hire a new contractor for every little broken tile and pest control issue.

And I think about how banning multiple home ownership is insufficient when the alternative to individuals building thoughtfully and often artfully designed living spaces is large companies building en masse, as cheaply as humanly possible, designed by people who never cook in kitchens, have guests over, or do outdoor hobbies.

What we SHOULD be doing is offering legal protections for home ownership by people, and raising care requirements for housing industry businesses. One of which should be a mandate to be "on-call" more than 50% of the time. (My apartment complex could never qualify with their 9am-5pm office schedule. In terms of customer service, my friend would run circles around that of every apartment complex and rental management company I've ever encountered.)

I know that any solution that I come up with wouldn't be sufficient. I'm hardly an expert on housing industry law, statewide, nationwide, or worldwide. I just think it would be nice if we could lean on and build each other up, rather than being forced to take whatever scraps the industry is willing to offer.

[rawk-chikk]

I did it.

I bought Lego Titanic.

Just to give a little perspective on how big the fucking box is, here's a size 8 slipper for comparison.

You can't tell from this angle but it's about as tall as my bed and all.

It came in an *even bigger box*. Like a cumbersome Russian doll 😁.

Allow me one frivolous little expenditure, okay. I've wanted this thing since I first laid eyes on it and this may be the only opportunity I'll have in the foreseeable to afford it. Every other penny of my back pay is being spent on sensible, wholesome, Daily Fail reader approved stuff. And a teeeeensy bit is going into savings. Let me have this one thing alright?

Actually, you know what? No. I ain't asking permission. This is a valid use of funds. The tag is 'lego therapy' for a reason.

Anyway. I have told myself I can't actually touch it until I've tidied my living room, and that includes organising my crafting space. I mean, I'm gonna need the room to build it coz she's a Big Fucking Boat. Just finding the space to unbox it was...fun 😬.

Lego vs crippling executive dysfunction. Let the battle of wills commence.

[trans-wojak]

I wish people would stop acting like having autism and/or ADHD wouldn’t be a disability if society was more accessible. It would make it easier sure, but executive dysfunction wouldn’t fucking disappear just because shopping malls had a ‘quiet time’ or if people were more aware of things. Trains have quiet carriages where you aren’t meant to talk or make any loud noises with devices. Do people follow these rules? Mostly but not always. Even when they do, that doesn’t stop me from feeling overwhelmed by being in prolixity with so many strangers. It doesn’t stop the anxiety from going so far away from my safe zone.

I am so sick of people, especially medical professionals acting like my autism/adhd isn’t a disability and I should just be able to make phone calls to say I can’t make it to an appointment. Majority of the time, I can’t make it cause I’m non verbal. Now I can’t make a phone call cause again, I AM NON VERBAL. I can’t control this when it happens, it’s usually from burn out. I struggle so much to manage mundane tasks like self-care. Every time I try to to go get my T shot, the clinic ONLY has a nursing appointment early in the morning. I have to travel for almost two hours to get there. First I have to wake up early, which is already difficult cause I have issues with insomnia. A lack of sleep causes me to be nauseated, which means I might end up vomiting. Throwing up means I can’t leave the house cause I might end up needing to puke while on the train.

Now everything doesn’t fit me properly, being off T has made me lose the fat repositioning and the menses have returned. I’m sick of it. Trans healthcare is so fucking scarce and ever since they introduced the informed consent model, the clinic has been SO OVER BOOKED. I can never get an appointment without it being early in the morning and waiting months in advance. They can never give me an appointment that’s 12 weeks apart because THEY ARE ALWAYS BOOKED OUT. If cunts wanted to make informed consent the way to go instead of a gender dysphoria diagnosis, they should have made it any fucking doctor would prescribe it. But no, instead stupid fucks just clog up the system while those of us who are actually suffering from a crippling neurological condition (dysphoria) and have more vulnerabilities have to be pushed to the back lists so some stupid “non binary lesbians” can microdose testosterone because they’re too lazy to learn how to voice train or work out. Then they start crying when no lesbians are into them anymore cause they start to look male, go on to join the radfems who are trying to destroy our rights. These cunts who want to use our healthcare for their body modification needs are so selfish.

[chuuyas-exhausted-doll]

Mental Health Head Canons/ Observations of the BSD boys

So, I need a new hobby… I used to write fan fiction when I was younger, but I can’t concentrate long enough to write all that now lol So, I thought I’d try my hand at head canons instead. Some of these aren’t really head canons and more just observations, but this is the first time I’ve ever tried this, so I think it turned out okay.

Attention! I’ve only watched the anime and I’m only on season 3 so far. So if any of this is disproven somehow later on, I’m sorry.

-----------------------------------------------------

I’ve been thinking a lot about this since starting the series; the characters’ mental illnesses/disorders. And since I myself deal with mental illness, thought it would be a fun place to start.

Mental Health Head Canons/ Observations of the BSD boys

Ft. Dazai, Akutagawa, Chuuya, Kunikida and Atsushi

Dazai

(Some of this is pretty obvious I think.

Dazai is pretty easy to read to me,

especially when it comes to his mental

health)

• Dazai isn’t lazy; he has executive dysfunction due to depression

• Dazai uses humor to cover up and deal with his crippling depression

• Dazai self harms to try to feel something

• Dazai covers up his scars with his bandages to make others more comfortable

• Dazai always did really care about being a good or bad person, but his depression made him think he had no choice

Akutagawa

• Akutagawa hates baths because of mental health issues; depression and anxiety

• Akutagawa acts like he needs no one from abandonment and trust issues; partially due to Dazai

• Akutagawa is angry all the time because of his depression and anxiety

• Akutagawa has anxiety due to the way Dazai treated him when he was younger

• Akutagawa has C-PTSD from his childhood

Chuuya

• Chuuya’s anger is to cover up his feelings of disappointment, grief and loneliness

• Chuuya drinks to keep the intrusive thoughts at bay

• Chuuya has high functioning depression; he seems fine, but is dealing with feelings of emptiness internally

• Chuuya works so hard because he doesn’t feel worthy of love or respect if he doesn’t

• Chuuya has an inferiority complex that he covers up from not feeling fully human; this is why he’s so defensive when it comes to his height

Kunikida

• Kunikida’s perfectionism is because of all the flaws and imperfections he thinks he has and is trying to make up for

• Kunikida tries to be the leader all the time to prove to himself he’s worthy of Fukuzawa’s respect

• Kunikida has OCD; he can’t deviate from his schedule or it’s “bad,” everything must be perfect, has to do things in a certain order, etc.

• Kunikida has high functioning anxiety; perfectionism is a sign of this as well. Triggered the OCD

• Kunikida has a hero complex; he always has to be the morally right one in the situation

Atshushi

• Atshushi tries to please everyone due to abandonment issues and thinking he’s not enough

• Atsushi is overly nice to people because everyone was so unkind to him when he was younger

• Atsushi fights with Akutagawa to get out the pent up anger he won’t let himself feel any other time

• Atsushi has an inferiority complex that he struggles to cover up

• Atsushi looks to praise from Dazai because Dazai is the first one to tell him he’s worthy

------------------------------------------------------

Kinda short for this one, but if you made it all the way through, thank you! Let me know what you think. I haven’t written anything in ages so I need opinions.

Also, any requests/suggestions for other ideas are welcomed. Only for BSD at the moment, if you don’t mind. Thank you! ❤️

[edensiiln]

doll that sometimes feels impostor (sus) syndrome over "not being traumatized enough" to be a doll, because its "only" trauma is growing up queer and with crippling executive dysfunction in a society that doesn't care about it

[compassionatereminders]

I want you to explain your symptoms you have now so we can understand the person behind the blog. Your disabled. I believe that. I am too. What do you experience symptom wise and be specific. You hear voices , yes or No. I do. Do you ever fall into delusion. I do. Do You experience any other positive symptoms such as tactile sense or ol’ factory, visual? Do you find yourself catatonic at times. I don’t know. I’ve known you for five years and the only thing I know about you, was that you thought your mom was trying to kill you when you were delusional. Been there too. If my memory serves me correct about that type of delusion. It’s terrifying . What are your negative symptoms? I know anxiety is crippling and unbearable. I have it. Please explain what disables you the most? I’m just curious..  I’m not trying to put you on the spot. You are a schizophrenic with an anxiety and run a fairly decent blog that responds to other schizos. So in essence, what fucks your world up the most being Schizo. If you start telling me executive dysfunction I won’t understand because I haven’t studied much on the topic . So please explain. Man sweets I feel like telling you something but I’m bitting my tongue. Never mind .lol you pissed me off sometimes sweets . I’m sure like wise. But I still admire you highly

I haven't been psychotic in years and I don't experience significant negative symptoms either, so these days my main struggle is what's known as cognitive symptoms - including but not limited to executive dysfunction. Long story short, my brains ability to process, learn, act and remember is severely impaired. This basically means that a lot of tasks many people consider easy and basic are things I can't learn. I can't learn how to drive, remember routes or use public transport, so I can't go anywhere independently. I can't learn complex skills like cooking and I need guidance to perform the most basic chores even after they have been explained to me several times. I can't play most games or watch most movies. And I could keep going... None of this is particularly obvious here on tumblr, because my communication skills are normal, but in my day to day life there are A LOT of basic things I genuinely just can't do because my brain doesn't have the required level of cognitive ability. And that's also why I can't study even though I "seem really smart" online.